I think there needs to be some clearing up of what I meant in my last post...
There is a new show on the CW called Life Unexpected and it's about a young girl who is either 15 or 16 and she is on the hunt for her birth parents. She was given up for adoption and she was never adopted. Her life has been less then desirable in all her foster home stays and she wants to be emancipated. HOWEVER because of some paper work issues the correct papers were not signed and her birth parents are still her "parents" legally anyways. Well she finds them and it's just alot of different emotions. The "dad" didn't know that he was going to be a dad and so when he found out he was very surprised. Well there was a conversation between the two adults and then the girls said... Did you ever even think about keeping me? Did you ever want me?
In that moment I SAW in the girls face my WORST fear with my Haylee bug. Her asking about bio dad and wanting to find him and meet him and then wondering why in the world would he not even try to be a part of such am amazing life of such an amazing little girl. There has never been a time that I don't wonder why he would not try...
HOWEVER I am very thankful that I don't have to fight for where I want to live and only getting her every other holiday and every other weekend and not getting her all summer long... so in that sense I am very thankful, but is this selfish I ask myself?? I know that it is not because it is really what is the BEST for Haylee.
She has an Adam. And I couldn't ask for anything better. She thinks he walks on water and I love watching the way that they interact with each other. The kisses and the claiming him as hers and only hers. She has the "father" that she has never had before.
I just don't know how to address it when the questions come up, or when my precious baby says... I don't have a daddy... like its NO big deal.
So really... I am fine, this is just an ongoing feeling and thought and stress that I have. I am not sad or depressed... I just watched that show and then the feelings came. I originally had alot of this same blog but then right before I "posted" it I deleted it. There are times that I want to "journal" but then I am afraid it is too personal. Allowing all those that read this or happen across it see too deep into me and my feelings... I am private and have a hard time sharing intimate thoughts and feeling... so here I am... laying it out for all those to read. But really... I am doing just fine. My life is good... I am good.
4 comments:
good,I am glad your fine:) I would still hug you:)and those feelings are real and show your compassion, and Haylee is precious who wouldn't want to be part of her life? he has no idea what he missed out on. But you are such a good Mom to her
I am glad you are fine! :) Haylee is so lucky to have you as a mom and to have her other family around, too. She will always feel valued and loved because YOU will make her know that that is true.
Good luck...you are awesome!
hi rachel---i am a frequent 'stalker' of your blog---so hope my posting doesnt creep you out.
i have 5 adopted children---each has different feelings about their bio parents. we have found that being open & honest---and wording it in terms they can understand is the best---they come to terms with it---and as long as they have a host of others in their life that loves them...most of the time they shrug and move on.
I love being part of this little girl growing up I can't wait to see what comes next.
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