Everyone deals with grief so differently.
Tonight I came across a blog of a girl who has had to deal with death in two ways. She lost her baby whom she named Gavin after her sweet brother who she lost before that.
As I read her feelings that are there in black and white I have such a connected feeling to her. Not because of the loss of her innocent baby boy, but because of the loss of her only brother, her best friend.
I felt like I needed to write her a quick email to let her know that her words that she writes so well, touched me tonight. Because I can't make my thoughts or sadness come out so clear and perfect.
I sat here and typed and tears began to flow... then my sweet daughter came to me and asked to cuddle. It's getting later and we are watching a movie... that made the tears come a little faster. I am so thankful every day for her and how she knows when I need her.
It has almost been 4 years... 4 YEARS! I want to scream! I want to go back in time and just hold her and never let go. I want the empty feeling to fade away... you would think after 4 years I could hold it together a little better, yet here I sit just tears streaming with a big lump in my throat because I know that if I allow myself to loose it then I don't know if it will stop.
I'm sad... and I fear this is only the beginning...
I miss you meridith... ALOT tonight.....
3 comments:
How touching! Thanks so much for sharing that! And big hugs from me!
I don't think it will ever go away. I was only Meredith's Laurel advisor and I still think of her and miss her... and that is less than 1 millionth of the connection that you have with her. Of course you still miss her. Nothing wrong with that...just means you love her and can't wait to see her again. What a blessing that you can empathize with others and their grief. You are so strong and wonderful and probably the answer to somebody's prayer, sobbing in the night for comfort. You will be there to ease the pain, even just a little.
I know that I only got to know her a tiny bit of her life - but I read your blogs and cry with you - your pain and love touches me each and every time - I know that Meredith is watching you and that she will be there to wrap her arms around you again some day - does this make it easier - only in the tinest degree. Reread the comment before mine many times - she is so completely right!
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